I’ve thought long and hard about posting this review. It goes against the grain of pretty much every other review I’ve read and I fear I may come across as somehow snarky. But having paid £50 plus a booking fee for my ticket, why not tell it how I saw it?
I went to the Apollo on Friday night expecting something amazing. Jerusalem is the play by Jez Butterworth which has sold out and had rave reviews on both sides of the Atlantic. It’s back here for a second run and I was lucky, or so I thought, to get pretty much the last two seats together in any of the remaining performances. I didn’t know too much about the play, but knew it was going to be a wonderful tale of our times, a sort of Withnail and I for the modern day.
And so it was. For about three minutes. Yep, that was a great opening scene. Then the main character, played by Mark Rylance, opened his mouth.
Thereafter I sat, open mouthed myself, stunned by the draw-dropping vacuousness of this play. Rylance’s much heralded performance was overblown and self-conscious. I hear he’s a fine actor but puffing out his chest, popping his eyes as wide as he could and jiggling his leg became extraordinarily irritating. His self-serving ramblings were worthy of the sort of local pisshead you’d cross the road to avoid. All the characters were two-dimensional and without pathos, the jokes were witless and feeble, the plot a nothing thing. Each scene was painfully contrived and I cringed at the attempt at poignancy, the scene where the inept father tries to connect with his child.
The play was full of symbolism about this ‘green and pleasant land’, but that’s not good writing, that’s trainspotting. About half way through the second part of three – yes, the writer gives us three odd hours of this drivel, with two intervals, the indulgence! - I actually visualised an indulgence of my own: me getting out of my seat, walking down the side of the theatre, up onto the stage and shouting to the audience: “If I wanted to listen to this utter mind-numbingly tedious trumped up nonsense, I could have saved myself fifty quid, gone to my local pub and listened to the pissheads there for free!” If I’d used the C-word I probably would have got a laugh since its every use caused the audience to snigger or even laugh uproariously, irrespective of context.
So, that’s my take on what’s meant to be the biggest stage event of recent years. I put up with it for over two hours before walking out. It seems my views are those of a tiny minority and that, in itself, is disconcerting. I’ve spent a good couple of days thinking there’s something wrong with me! But no matter which way I look at it, these are the only conclusions I can draw. I hardly ever go to the theatre so when I do it’s to be entertained.






